Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Boobage Acreage

Allow me to set the scene....
Twice a week I try and visit my local pool and swim laps in a vain attempt to keep the body beautiful - that being a metaphor you understand. And at the pool are large change rooms for us girlies, a big open area with benches and mirrors and hooks to hang your clothes, surrounded by cubicles with doors, 3 of these being changing cubicles and 5 being showers. And around the other side of the showers is a line of 8 toilets. Right, now you know all about the change rooms, I'll continue with my story.

The other day I had finished swimming my laps at the local pool and having showered and dressed, I was standing at one of the mirrors in the open area, slapping on a bit of makeup before I went to work. And I was alone. Then a lady came in after her swim, in her thirties I reckon. I glanced at her then went back to my task of applying eyeliner deftly so as not to look like a raccoon.

Lady: "Are there any children in the toilets?"
Me thinks: That's a strange question.
Me says: "Um, I'm not sure" Cocking head to listen "No, I don't think so, I can't hear anyone".

Lady: (in her wet bathers with a towel around her)
" It's just that I have extremely large breasts, and they're not real"
Me thinks: WTF???
Me: Eyes widen at myself in the mirror, holding breath awaiting continuance of conversation....
Lady: "And I don't think that children should see them, as they are very big and I just don't think it's the sort of thing that children should see."
Me thinks: And the problem is? Go into a changing cubicle.
Me: "Well I'm pretty sure no-one else is in here."

Lady: Starting to remove bathers with a poor attempt of keeping the towel around her.
"I know we're all the same but as my breasts are very large and firm it kind of makes it a bit weird you know, it might scare children or make them uncomfortable."
Me thinks: Help! If she asks me to touch them and admire their firmness I'm going to scream.
Me: "Uhu"

Lady: "I think there should be separate changing areas for adults and children so children don't have to be subjected to sights like large breasts." At this point the towel drops and I get a full frontal.
Me thinks: There's a freaking changing cubicle with a door exactly 3 paces from you - GO IN THERE. Oh god, now she's flashing them, not looking not looking not looking.... Kaching - I think I'm supposed to be admiring them.
Me says: Busily putting on lippy with eyes firmly fixed upon my own reflection. "Well I think it would be a little difficult for mothers with young children if there were separate changing areas."

Lady: "Yes I suppose you're right but I still think children shouldn't be subjected to sights such as large breasts. It's not something they need to see."
Me thinks: GO INTO THE FREAKING CHANGING CUBICLE, CLOSE THE DOOR AND SHUT UP. Please can somebody save me from this.
Me: Weak smile. "Uhu"

At this point a couple of little old ladies come in after their water aerobics class and VOOM, I'm gone!


Miss Dot said...

oh scary, there is always one hey? tks, good laugh.

Fel said...

At least she didn't end up asking you to touch them. :D Oh dear, there are strange people out there. It really did sound like she just wanted you to admire them. :P

qusic said...

lol,there is much more between heaven and earth than we imagine, holding my belly, lol, egomaniacs and their problems.............

Helen said...

PMSL! What a fruit cake! Hope I don't run into her at our pool change room.... with my children in tow! :)

Anonymous said...

LOL!!! That is very funny.


kirsty said...

Your body beautiful training must be working - sounds like she was hitting on you ;) !!!

Sarah and Jack said...

This is quite funny, but I wonder, does she not think that children notice them UNDER her clothing? Also, if she is so uncomfortable with them, why does she have them? LOL Wierdos.