Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Boobage Acreage

Allow me to set the scene....
Twice a week I try and visit my local pool and swim laps in a vain attempt to keep the body beautiful - that being a metaphor you understand. And at the pool are large change rooms for us girlies, a big open area with benches and mirrors and hooks to hang your clothes, surrounded by cubicles with doors, 3 of these being changing cubicles and 5 being showers. And around the other side of the showers is a line of 8 toilets. Right, now you know all about the change rooms, I'll continue with my story.

The other day I had finished swimming my laps at the local pool and having showered and dressed, I was standing at one of the mirrors in the open area, slapping on a bit of makeup before I went to work. And I was alone. Then a lady came in after her swim, in her thirties I reckon. I glanced at her then went back to my task of applying eyeliner deftly so as not to look like a raccoon.

Lady: "Are there any children in the toilets?"
Me thinks: That's a strange question.
Me says: "Um, I'm not sure" Cocking head to listen "No, I don't think so, I can't hear anyone".

Lady: (in her wet bathers with a towel around her)
" It's just that I have extremely large breasts, and they're not real"
Me thinks: WTF???
Me: Eyes widen at myself in the mirror, holding breath awaiting continuance of conversation....
Lady: "And I don't think that children should see them, as they are very big and I just don't think it's the sort of thing that children should see."
Me thinks: And the problem is? Go into a changing cubicle.
Me: "Well I'm pretty sure no-one else is in here."

Lady: Starting to remove bathers with a poor attempt of keeping the towel around her.
"I know we're all the same but as my breasts are very large and firm it kind of makes it a bit weird you know, it might scare children or make them uncomfortable."
Me thinks: Help! If she asks me to touch them and admire their firmness I'm going to scream.
Me: "Uhu"

Lady: "I think there should be separate changing areas for adults and children so children don't have to be subjected to sights like large breasts." At this point the towel drops and I get a full frontal.
Me thinks: There's a freaking changing cubicle with a door exactly 3 paces from you - GO IN THERE. Oh god, now she's flashing them, not looking not looking not looking.... Kaching - I think I'm supposed to be admiring them.
Me says: Busily putting on lippy with eyes firmly fixed upon my own reflection. "Well I think it would be a little difficult for mothers with young children if there were separate changing areas."

Lady: "Yes I suppose you're right but I still think children shouldn't be subjected to sights such as large breasts. It's not something they need to see."
Me thinks: GO INTO THE FREAKING CHANGING CUBICLE, CLOSE THE DOOR AND SHUT UP. Please can somebody save me from this.
Me: Weak smile. "Uhu"

At this point a couple of little old ladies come in after their water aerobics class and VOOM, I'm gone!

7 comments:

Miss Dot said...

oh scary, there is always one hey? tks, good laugh.

Fel said...

At least she didn't end up asking you to touch them. :D Oh dear, there are strange people out there. It really did sound like she just wanted you to admire them. :P

qusic said...

lol,there is much more between heaven and earth than we imagine, holding my belly, lol, egomaniacs and their problems.............

Helen said...

PMSL! What a fruit cake! Hope I don't run into her at our pool change room.... with my children in tow! :)

Anonymous said...

LOL!!! That is very funny.

Kerri

kirsty said...

Your body beautiful training must be working - sounds like she was hitting on you ;) !!!

Sarah and Jack said...

This is quite funny, but I wonder, does she not think that children notice them UNDER her clothing? Also, if she is so uncomfortable with them, why does she have them? LOL Wierdos.